Walking Backwards

It is always so hard for me to start the week after a three day holiday. For some reason, it always feels like there should be more vacation days tacked on to the end. Maybe I'm just being greedy; I so enjoyed not having anything to do. We're super broke right now as well so even if we did have the motivation to get out of the house, we wouldn't have the means. Joe and I are not to the point where we can't pay our bills or are eating ramen noodles or anything, we just can't buy any of the superfluous stuff or go out to eat or anything fancy. Being broke afforded us the luxury of not doing anything, though, so its not all bad. Normally, with extra days off at hand, home project lists get longer around here. This time around, a trip to Home Depot was not in the checkbook. Therefore, I didn't feel the need to replace my carpet or paint anything or build a pergola in my backyard. I am crazy you know. I would have tried to do it.

Instead, we watched videos this weekend and I read. I cleaned off my desk and worked on my quilt. Joe played a lot of video games. We watched the baby run around the backyard like a madman. It was really nice. The entire weekend reminded me that life is not about constantly striving for some goal, but about the journey you take to get there. Joe and I have been so wrapped up in what we have to do or get done that neither of us has taken a step back to take pleasure in it all. All of it was something that had to be finished, as fast as possible, so that we can move on to complete the next task. I have a bad habit of slipping into that pattern without even noticing it. I know I am going to fall back into it again eventually, but I hope that I can get the most out of the time I have up until then. After all, what can be better than sitting in chairs at dusk with the people you love and enjoying what you have?

This has been such a busy week and I have so much that I want to write about that I don't know where to start. I wish that I had taken pictures at Nicholas' party to post, but I'm a scatter-brain and I lost my camera just in time for the party. So here is what has gone on this week:

- Nicholas' last day of school was Thursday and, after class, his teacher handed out scrapbooks with his art work and pictures. She also gave me a dozen roses for all the hard work I did as class photographer. We are meeting with the class for playdates every other Tuesday through the summer so that we don't completely forget one another. I have to host one in August. WAAAAaaaahhhhh, my baby's first year of school is behind him.

- I started my psychology class and really don't like it so far. Its a summer class so the teacher estimates that most people are there to fulfill core requirements and are not really interested in learning. So, he just doesn't try very hard to teach. I would get more out of the class by just reading the book from cover to cover. I also used to wait on the teacher when I worked in the cafe across the street and he's an ass. I'm trying not to hold that against him.

- Nico's party was crazy. Not everyone showed, but the house was packed. I could not believe how small my house got all of the sudden. Sadly, it was way too hot outside to jump in the bounce-house. We spent about twenty minutes out there and ended up panting and sweaty. Nicholas wouldn't jump on his own and instead made me hold him while I jumped. Lazy boy. The cake turned out well, but because I switched to a non-trans-fat icing one side got a little droopy. The pizzas were awesome. I missed out on the artichoke heart and feta pizza, but I did get a slice of the basil and garlic. The kids were happy with pepperoni. All the fruits and veggies we put out were rapidly devoured as well. This year was such a cake walk compared to the insanity of last year where I made everything from scratch. Nico got twelve-million gifts, some of which are going to disappear in the night, but some of which he loves and are pretty awesome (I'll take some picture of these in action, later).

- We're currently trying to come up with a list of summer activities, because this year I am not going to remain trapped in my house after July 1st. I might publish this online for posterities sake. I might also find someone else to do the work for me, who knows. If I do get it online, look for a link here. Any suggestions are also welcome. I am NOT going to take my son around the country following Four Tet (missed those bastards at Cochella) and Joe has nixed Burning Man.

I think that's all for now. I've got to go play in the sprinkler and make some Gazpacho and love on my baby and rejoice the upcoming three-day weekend.

I really have to qualify that last entry because it sounds like I'm a drug-addicted crazy peson, which I hope I'm not, but I have to leave for school in fifteen minutes so no long answer. Yesterday, Nicholas skipped his nap for the fourth day in a row and he had a doctor's appointment (which he dreads)in the early afternoon. We had picked up my mother because it was her last day in town and were supposed to be chauferring her around. My mother then decided, after warning from me, to take us shopping but kept telling Nicholas that he was embaressing her because he had a tantrum after she spent an HOUR in a shoe store. Normal toddler behavior and for christ's sake, he's 3. I also had in-law problems and sickness and just way too much stress to take it for one day. Two glasses of wine solved my problem. Whomever said being a stay-at-home parent was easy or relaxing or pictured it as being a "sitting on the couch and eating bon bons" type thing need a reality check.

Ever have one of those days where you feel like I NEED A FUCKING VALIUM OR MY HEAD IS GOING TO EXPLODE AND COVER INNOCENT BYSTANDERS WITH BITS OF GLOWING RAGE!!!!!!

Today was one of those days.

Now, the morning after. Its kind of anti-climactic. No more rushing or planning or insanity; finally, some calm and peace in my life. Of course, I go back to school tomorrow so that is all going to be thrown out the window. Its nice to be able to just sit here without something to do around the house (other than taking down the decorations, which I'm not going to do immediately). I think after this entry I'm going to take a nice, long shower while Nicholas is distracted by his multitude of new toys. Then Nico has a doctor's appointment this morning for his three year check-up. If it wasn't so infernally hot(and my mom wasn't still in town), I'd sit in the backyard and maybe work in my veggie garden. Instead, I think I am going to take the short one to return all the party stuff we didn't use and get him some art supplies instead. I also need to visit with my mother since she is leaving town tonight and we won't see her until October when we all go to Italy. Hmmmmm, I better get going as Nico's appointment is in an hour :). I'll write more later today about the party and my weekend in general. You're not getting any pictures though, because I lost my camera just in time for the event. Grrrrrr. . .

Happy Birthday Nico!!!!!!

Amazing to have gone from this:



To this:



I'll write up the party later, but now we have to get ready for it!

Twenty-four hour bugs are weird . . . Nicholas and I are now fine. Joe, on the other hand, seems to have gotten a strain of it. He doesn't seem to have it as bad as we did, though. Maybe he'll have a twelve hour bug? Now bring on the in-laws!

I never thought I would say this, but THANK GOD MY MOM IS HERE. Its crazy, I am actually so glad Ms. self-absorbed made it to Austin for Nico's party. I mean, I love my mom, but sometimes she thinks that our lives are so easy to move around and that she can turn our schedule around on a whim. It wasn't so bad when I was younger, but now that I have Nico, I need routine. So does the little guy. Yet today, after waking up with horrible stomach pains at one in the morning and not being able to go back to sleep, my mom brought over fruit pops and ginger ale and gatorade and then did my laundry and cleaned my house . . . on her vacation. Now she is out buying most of the snack food for the party on Sunday. That rocks! She even made my bed. She did try to convince my sick self to drag the baby out clothes shopping, but she was perfectly okay going without us and just taking my brother. No pressure or anything. I am amazed. Now I feel great, thanks to a three hour nap from the little guy and my mom taking care of everything. Nico is feeling soooooo much better, too. Go mom!

My poor guy woke up at 4 in the morning last night and threw up. He is not a happy camper now. I hope he feels better soon, we have a busy day and weekend ahead of us. His grandmother is arriving in town this afternoon with a whole itinerary of stuff to do. I hope she deals well with disappointment. I'm going to keep him home and resting until he feels better, despite what my mother wants us to do. She is really pressuring us to go out to eat tonight, but I don't see that happening. I've just got to get him all better for his birthday party. It would suck if we couldn't do it considering that the party is our gift to him. Right now I'm not going to worry about any of that and just hang out on the couch all day with my guy. I do have to ask though, at what point do they throw up in some easily cleaned receptacle rather than on the bed, the couch, the rug, and me?

Added:
I just got off the phone with Nico's school and they said that several people in one of the teacher's family has had this bug and it seems to be a twenty-four hour thing. Let's hope.

So here is my day so far:

I found out last night that my in-laws are going to be staying with us this weekend for Nico's birthday party, so today I started cleaning like mad. Most of the morning was just picking up through the first layer of clutter we have accumulated around the house. I then decided to stop messing around and hit the biggest problem area of the whole house; my brother's bathroom. Normally it is Travis' responsibility to clean his own bathroom, but with my in-laws poised to use it, I thought it might be best if I checked out what needed to be done. I could not have prepared myself for the shock that I received. Apparently, while Travis cleaned the rest of his bathroom, hidden behind his shower curtain was a tub that hasn't been cleaned in months. It was layers and layers of smelly grossness. I cannot describe it. Ugh, somehow the soapscum had turned orange and the drain was so clogged that I had to take it apart to remove all of the nasty hair out of it. I freaked and spent about 45 minutes bleaching it and scrubbing it and pouring Drain-O down it. That wasn't enough, the mildew on the caulking was so pervasive that after repeated scrubbings it was still horribly black. So I grabbed my screwdriver and started to remove all of the caulking, intending to go to the hardware store later to get some silicone replacement for it. Then Joe called. He asked what I was doing and I explained that since Nicholas was a sleep I was cleaning Travis' bathroom and that I had decided to replace the caulk strip. Joe then asked why I had decided to do this one day before my family arrives in town and I have other, more pressing tasks to attend to. I am going to have a very difficult time remaining married to my husband if he continues to put things into perspective for me and thereby making me realize that I am acting like a crazy person.

I almost forgot; this is what my new teakettle looks like. I wanted to do an action shot but my camera is totally full awaiting a print-dump at Walgreens. Joe thinks I'm crazy for obsessing so much over a teakettle, but isn't it beautiful!?

WooHoo! I am on fire! I'm so proud of the amount of stuff I've gotten done today. In addition to getting all my pictures rotated, resized, and uploaded, I painted my front door, visited friends, bought some party supplies and some scrapbooking things, and I got my eyebrows waxed. So, as I can imagine the tale of my eyebrow waxing isn't as thrilling as pictures from this weekend, here they are:

Here is the start of what I thought was going to be a great sandcastle. Nico helped me collect and pile the sand for it and was very excited when I pulled off the bucket and the sand-shape appeared



Here is what happened about five seconds after I removed said sand-shape bucket



We did make use of the sand in an appropriate fashion, though



With the beach being all gunky, we got our feet wet at the pool instead



While perusing the town later in the afternoon we found the perfect backdrop on one of the local tourist shops; a double sized great white shark you could walk through



Here is one of the few shots I got of the child at the aquarium before he exploded in a fit of no-nap rage and we had to hit the road to make it home



There, I did it! Photographic evidence that we do go on vacation :)

Okay, I uploaded the photos from the camera last night to my computer, but it took a lot longer than I thought it would. This was probably due to the fact that I had photos from a month ago in there and all of my cards were full. I still have to upload the photos from the computer to my server, so that is why there are no photos yet. I had forgotten several photo ops that I need to include in my next post as well, but right now I have to get out the door to pick up my car pool. Darn responsibility.

Back from the beach, finally. It was fun; not fun like I expected, but fun none the less. Sadly, we didn't get to hit the waves because the beach was so yucky with seaweed. This was not me just being obsessive about cleanliness, there was a barrier about four feet wide and a foot high of the stuff at the shoreline. Not only that, there was a wall of seaweed taller than Joe at the high tide line that a front loader was attempting to move out of the way. It look like it went straight down along the coast; we couldn't see the end of it. We did build a small sandcastle, we buried Nico in the sand, and we walked along the shore looking at the seagulls and all the people. That was about all we could do on the beach. Good thing the hotel had a pool. Nico had a good time and kept demanding to go outside, even after it got dark.

I was so thrilled because we had cable at the condo. I think I spent all of Nico's naptimes watching HGTV. I now have a little more inspiration/motivation to finish some of the stuff around the house. One of the shows that I saw was designers/landscapers challenge where people set a budget and then pick between three presentations from designers/landscapers as to which one they want to use. The show itself wasn't too bad (and one of our friends is going to be on the landscaping one as a designer here in Austin), but what are people thinking with these budgets. They obviously have more money than they know what to do with. The landscaping show we saw had a budget of 50k just to do the front yard! Holy crap, that is almost a third of my mortgage!

Nicholas was so much fun this weeked and he was really well behaved too, until we went to the Texas State Aquarium; then he ran around like a crazy man. We had to miss the dolphin show because I couldn't handle almost losing him in a crowd of people again. On the way back we stopped by the outlet mall in San Marcos and I got all of Nicholas' summer clothes and a new tea kettle, which I am disturbingly excited about. Then all the way back home for sleep and laundry and Grey's Anatomy. Not too bad.

I am going to try to dump some of our copious amounts of photos this afternoon, but I do have mountains of things to do since my week is going to be interrupted on Thursday with the arrival of my mother and Joe just called to tell me I need to drop something off at his workplace. I should also get some stuff done for Nico's party since it is now less than a week away. More later with photos . . . hopefully tonight.

Blech, this has been a weird week. Wednesday I finally got off of my ass and did some mad cleaning followed by a trip to the grocery store. About half-way though the grocery trip, I started feeling a little off color. By the time I got home, I really just wanted to lay down. I succeeded in putting away all of the cold foods and then, before all of the bags were taken from the car, I was hit with the beginnings of a migrane. Thank god Joe arrived home about ten minutes later. My migranes usually last about five to eight hours, and I think this one rounded out after about seven hours, close to midnight. By some maligned fate, my migranes are those which are accompanied by nausea and vomiting. I can't say what its like to get a horrible and debilitating headache and then have to throw-up on top of that. It just sucked.

The next morning I got to be helping parent at Nicholas' school; my last one. I was totally exhausted from the ordeal the night before and I did not want to chase around ten three year-olds, but it really wasn't that bad. I think that I have finally started getting used to the helping parent routine now that the school year is almost over. Not only that, I now know all of the kids fairly well and am getting a handle on their very different and distinct personalities. It's so amazing seeing them all evolve and become such amazing little people. Strong-willed, but amazing people just the same.

After I got home from that I went back into cleaning and organizing overdrive. You would have thought I would have taken my body's previous cues to be lazy, but I didn't. Good thing I didn't get another migrane, but I was ready to go to sleep at about 7. Instead of resting and relaxing, though, I went to go see Sin City with my brother. I had only read the first graphic novel, so I didn't know all of the story lines, but it was really cool. I was not disappointed. The art direction was incredible; it was just like watching a comic book unfold on the screen. The weird aspect ratios made each scene look like a comic frame. I also saw several movie previews that I'll have to keep in mind for the summer movie season. Not that I'm complaining, but there were an inordinate number of horror movies previewed. I'm a huge horror movie fan, so I'm excited, but only one of the horror movies that was previewed really left me wanting to see it. I was hoping that the recent resurgence of the genre was going to result in some really novel and exciting movies, not just remakes of old horror movies and Americanized versions of contemporary Asian horror. Sigh. Maybe I'm just being too picky.

Now I have to get off of this computer and get ready for our weekend away. We leave tonight and I really need to pack and get our supplies and snacks together. This is the first time we've been to the coast in years and the first time Nicholas has been to the coast at all. Yay for that! We're also going to go by the Texas State Aquarium on our way back to Austin. Keep your fingers crossed our pale selves don't get burned to a crisp.

Wow, I must say that not being in school and actually having a pause button on my life has really thrown me for a loop. When I was in school everything had to be run according to a schedule or nothing would get done. I had something to do at all times and was able to prioritize in such a manner that if I did find myself not doing something, I could quickly slide back into frenzied activity. Now, I'm lost. Amazingly, my house is in worse shape than when I was working and studying like crazy. I haven't gone to the grocery store in I don't know how long. Its not like I don't have anything to do either, Nico's birthday party is next week and we are heading to the coast this weekend. My house and yard need some major work and my mom called this morning to tell me that she'll coming in next week for a funeral and will be staying here and attending Nico's party. I just find myself mindlessly staring at the tv or the computer screen. I think my brain has just shut down. I really need to snap out of it because school starts again in a week and a half, its not like my brain can go into long-term suspension. I was hoping to play catch-up during this little break so that I don't have to worry about stuff like going to Goodwill or buying Nico's summer clothes or calling the pest control guy while I have piles of homework in front of me. None of that is going to get done if I can't even leave my house. Its also hampering my relaxing time because I can't stop thinking about what I should be doing. I need to just spend a day making a to-do list and start plugging away at it. Then, in the evening, I don't have to rush out and buy a package of diapers, I can watch CSI: guilt free.

Back . . . and still awake! The friend's house was fun and very low-key, a nice relaxing end to the day. They played Sublime for me and I taught some new booty-shaking moves to Nico. I don't want my little guy to suffer the curse of his father; he can't grow up without the ability to shake his groove-thing with pride. I, of course, will exuberantly shake my booty at the drop of a hat. Not that I'm any good at it, it just makes me feel happy. At the same time, I'm kind of disgruntled because that is part of my life that I don't see that often anymore. I'm not saying that I'd love to return to our life of going to dance clubs twice a week or anything, its just that I loved when dancing and music were a larger part of our lives. It is so strange that, until tonight, I hadn't even looked at concerts for the summer (I missed coachella, but I'm getting tickets to Austin City Limits [Theivery Corporation, Coldplay, Grupo Fantsama . . . what more could a girl want]). I don't want to lose my musical connection. Nico needs a strong foundation in music as well. He needs to know that our lives are accompanied by a constantly evolving soundtrack. What would my teenage years have been like without the Cure or Social Distortion or Joy Division or one of the million other angsty bands that formed my anthem of the time? I just have to wonder what his is going to be. Maybe if I develop an early love of the classics like the Rolling Stones and Black Flag we can avoid problems like the Backstreet Boys in the future.

Er, I'm off to bed. Its been a long day and I don't think I can write anymore. Happy Mother's Day to all you mother's out there. I hope you get to enjoy it.

It is completely unfair for someone to have to wake up with their toddler after taking Nyquil. When taking Nyquil, a person really needs to be able to get a full night's sleep. At least a few hours of unbroken sleep would be nice. Of course, that just didn't happen and now I'm cranky and every little thing is annoying me. We are also going to a party tonight and I am going to be less than charming, probably less than civil. I am going to write more tonight when I am feeling a little less homicidal. I have Maria's fun visit to talk about and my annoyance with all the people calling about the local election today and a ton of other things.

Saw this on Maria's blog and, as I am feeling very uninspired in the journaling department, I'm filling this baby out.

Three names you go by:

Jamie
James
Duck

Three screen names you've had:

conqubine
purplecrayon
latenightchild

Three physical things you like about yourself:

Lips
Feet
Eyes

Three things you could improve about yourself:

My consistent procrastination
Making time for myself
Stop taking responsibility for so many things

Three parts of your heritage:

English
Scottish
Mutt

Three things that scare you:

Dying and having to leave my son in the care of someone else
Our government
Cockroaches

Three of your everyday essentials:

Pajama pants
Diet cherry coke
the internet

Three things you are wearing right now:

Converse
GAP jeans
My favorite bra ever

Three musical artists or bands:

Moby
Theivary Corporation
Flaming Lips

Three (current) favorite songs:

Lebanese Blonde - flaming Lips
Mad World - Gary Jules
Red right hand - Nick Cave

Three things I want in a relationship:

Mutual Respect
Trust
Someone who cleans

Two truths and one lie:

I used to be a foot fetish model
My husband and I wanted to elope in Jamaica
I was involved in sports in school, but haven't been since I graduated high school

Three physical things about the opposite sex that appeal to you:

Eyes
That indention right next to the hip bone
Hands

Three favorite hobbies:

Reading
Photography
Gardening

Three things you want to do badly right now:

Sleep
Get a haircut
Go out for coffee by myself

Three careers you are considering:

History teacher
Research
Museum cataloguing

Three places you want to go on a vacation:

Japan
Southern Mexico
Prague

Three kids names you really like:

Shiloh
Miles
Maya

Three things you want to do before you die:

Learn another language
Learn to play the cello
Write research articles

I'm done, I'm done, I'm done!!!!! I just wrote the closing paragraph of my last paper, due tonight. WooHoo!!!! I don't think I did so well on my Lit. final, but my fantabulous grades from the rest of the semester should slide me in to the easy A position. My Lit. teacher also offered (without me even asking) to write a letter of recommendation to UT for me because I kick so much ass! Okay, he didn't say it like that (and he offered it to the rest of the class), but just knowing that I have one of those taken care of takes a load off of my shoulders. Only two more to go. Now as to where I am going to get the three-grand per semester of tuition, that is another story.

More good things; I got to go to the opera after all :). My brother's date had to cancel at the last minute on Monday night and, after he called about seven other people, he asked me if I'd like to go instead. I had a conference with my philosophy professor that evening, but was willing to rush it if it meant I could go to the opera. Travis and I showed up at my school dressed to the nines, so that was kind of awkward because it was a group review of papers type thing, but my teacher moved me up to first in line so that I wouldn't be late. The opera itself wasn't as good as the one I saw last year, but it was fun. The gentleman who sang the part of Figaro was awesome and the countess was also good. However, none of them blew me away like the soprano from last year's Turandot. After the opera we went for pancakes at Magnolia Cafe, which I love, but never get to go to. All in all, loads of fun.

Sadly, the next day I felt quite ill. Nicholas woke me up several times in the night and I seemingly had come down with a cold. Worse still, I accidentally took some nighttime cold medicine instead of the daytime formula I was hoping for. I spent most of the day on the couch and had to neglect some of my studying (this is probably why I didn't do so well on that test). Today I feel better, though it might just be the incredible relief I am feeling now that I have finished this semester, but the husband and the baby have fallen ill. They're on their own tonight so I hope the naps they are both taking right now make them feel better.

Just finished registering for the summer and it looks likely that the class is going to make. Keep your fingers crossed for me please.

I have finals and conferences for the next three days, so I might be scare around here. However, the amount of time I have had to spend on the computer has made it so much easier to take my little breaks online than to get up and find something around the house to take my mind off of things. I figure I'll probably not have anything exciting to say, though. Maybe I can finally get to working on my template.

Well, we didn't make it to the opera last night. We couldn't find a babysitter to replace our out-of-town babysitter until the very last minute and then I got a headache that has been going for three days (curse you sinus allergies!). I'm kind of pissed because Joe wouldn't go without me. I can understand that he would be uncomfortable, but it's the opera. If I was feeling up to it, I would have paraded down there all by my lonesome. Sometimes I think I am the only person in existence that is okay with going places by myself. I don't know at what point we evolved into a society of people who were so afraid of being seen alone or of spending our time out in quiet self-reflection. I guess that maybe having a toddler follow me every where I go, even into the bathroom, has made me appreciate my alone time even more. There is so much chatter and noise and activity in my life that the still moments where I can really focus my attention on something are few and far between.

Now onto my crazy day yesterday. First, I had to go help at Nico's preschool carnival. For two hours I worked the fishing booth. TWO HOURS. All this after I had spent hours helping with set-up and making decorations. It really wasn't that bad, but standing in the same place for that long while having to keep up silly carnival banter and make small talk with 2-8 year-olds was not the best way to spend Saturday in my opinion. Nicholas and Joe had a great time at the carnival without me. The game of choice for the small one was the cakewalk. He got to walk around to music and stop on squares with color and number designations. Anything requiring the specific identification of colors, numbers, or shapes Nicholas loves. He takes great pride in showing off his mad skills. He was on that one game for almost an hour. When I went to go find the boys after my shift, Nicholas was just happily going around in a circle by himself. The carnival was winding down and the woman who was running the game just kept on playing music for him. Of course, it might have been better for Nicholas if she stopped the music once in awhile.

When we arrived home I was surprised to discover my dad's car in the driveway. Foolish and overworked as I was, I forgot to tell him to push back his bi-weekly visit because we were going to be gone most of the morning. Lucky for him Travis was at home to gossip about boy things and listen to music. We spent a lot of time outside talking about the yard and the garden which has always been an area of interest for my dad. My yard now has a particular draw for him as he now lives in a condo without a spot of lawn. We also made tentative plans to visit my grandmother's gravesite on mother's day. It's the first mother's day after her death and I know it is going to be really hard on my dad. He was so close to my grandmother. I hope our being there will make it a little easier.

After my dad left, Jon, my brother-in-law, arrived to watch Nicholas so we could go to the opera. Needless to say, that didn't work out as planned. Instead we ordered Vietnamese food and watched Donnie Darko the director's cut. Before the movie, Jon went and got us some ice cream, the fabulous Phish Food. I have to say that that particular flavor is moving up the charts and slowly becoming one of my top five. Jon is supposed to be coming over today to do some laundry so I have to finish the remnants of the container before he gets here or be forced to share. I wonder if it is going to fit well with my breakfast of a Starbucks' white chocolate mocha.