Walking Backwards

If I could figure out titles I would call this one "Where I don't show you my nose before and after". Don't worry, it isn't as bad as it sounds. There are no sutures or incisions or blood, just my nose looking a little . . . different. I wasn't expecting change, so it took me a little by surprise. The husband tells me when the splints come out and the swelling goes down my nose will look more like its old self again, but I don't know. The bridge is wider and it doesn't have the same curve. I miss my old bumpy, curvy nose and I hope to see it again soon.

That being said I do like the idea that, starting Friday, I should be able to breathe out of the thing. That is exciting. And the recovery wasn't too bad; five days on painkillers, two on anti-nausea meds that made me sleep 20 hours a day, five movies watched on my laptop with my eyes closed (I suppose that qualifies more as listened to then), and two full boxes of kleenex emptied. I drove for the first time in a week today and that was fun. I am still a little disoriented, but I can control my pain with just Tylenol and I needed to get back to life and matters at hand.

The matter at hand is, of course, that in five days school starts for the kiddo. My one and only will be roaming through the hallowed halls of our public elementary school. This fact is met with happiness and excitement and a little sadness. We have been scrambling to get everything ready and all of the meetings attended and schedules in order. The bad haircut has been accomplished, but the squeeky shoes still have to be purchased. The smell of waxy crayons and glue sticks permeates the house.

Nicholas is really looking forward to going to school and has been counting down the days for weeks now. For this I am extremely grateful, but I still have some lingering discontent in the back of my mind and I only recently figured out the basis of it. Talking to another mother whose child is also going into kindergarten the first time I was able to articulate my feelings in a brief moment of clarity. I realized that this is the start of Nicholas growing away from me. This is the starting line of his independent life. From here on out, he will have something in his life that is completely up to him and that, no matter how much I volunteer, I have little say in. Fortunately the transition is a gradual one and that the expectations for my involvement are great, but still this is his big step into the world. I just hope he is okay with me standing two inches behind him the whole way :).