Walking Backwards

I just got off of the phone with one of my teachers. My Latin professor is a very nice old man who is utterly confused as to why I am asking him questions about Latin. It is quite frustrating. I finally got in touch with him and am back to where I started in regards to my translations. I also am quite confused about some of the points of grammar, but I don't understand the concepts of predicates and nominatives in English anyway, so I'm not surprised. I have a companion book to my text that I am reading in tandem, but I don't think it is written for hopeless cases like myself. It is also hard to learn these things when your teacher avoids direct questions and chooses to wax intellectual about Ezra Pound. Amazingly, I'm still at the top of my class, but I don't know what that means because it is debatable if my professor has graded my exams.

Right now I am suffering the end of the school year funk whereby I question whether or not it is a good idea for me to be in school right now. Should I spend this time with my son who is only going to be young once or should I work on my own personal development, continuing school and advancing my education? Really, it is a lot harder of a question than I thought it would be. I never thought, before having my son, that ever sublimating my own enrichment and getting myself closer to a degree that will set me up to help the community would ever be a contest. But it is, I put off going to school until Nicholas was two and able to tell me that he was okay with me leaving, now I feel like, even though he is fine staying with friends, like I should be more present in his life. The time we do have together now he has to share with my homework or volunteer work or my constant distraction. I have to say that I don't know how working parents do it. I only do caretaking part time and am in school only three days a week, but it seems like there isn't enough left of me after all of that is over. Not that I don't think that that isn't a lot, but I just feel like I set this up so that I'd have plenty of time with my son and I don't. I just don't.

Wow am I sounding whiny lately! I'm sorry, I don't want to be, but I had to get that off of my chest. I'm really grateful for everything, but sometimes it all seems so overwhelming. I think it is mostly frustration with this class and that I'll be eager to start school after the intersession. Mostly frustration with this class. Down with those Latins :)