Walking Backwards

Going out of town to visit our in-laws is a regular occurence in my life. Joe, my husband, has a large catholic family and someone is always getting married or having a birthday or graduation or getting sick. Then there are the aforementioned holidays. So we're here again, this close to Christmas, when I should be frantically searching for gifts for my family, who arrives in less than two weeks now, or cleaning the mess that the crowd left behind on Thanksgiving that I haven't caught up with yet or preparing for finals since my school does not understand the concept of dead week. Instead we're here celebrating my nephew's 3rd birthday, which I wouldn't miss, but really feel I should be doing something else. I have guilt. I am napping during the day instead of cracking my books. I am sitting at the table listening to the multi-level marketing spiel that my mother-in-law is doing (I even bought some lip exfoliant from her). I'm eating a lot of things I shouldn't because that is what you do when you're celebrating with your family. There is a lot of gossip and laughing.

My family is small. My mom, my dad, and my twin brother are basically all of the family that I really spend time with. My mom's brothers are insane, really, and my dad's sisters have never really been on the same page with us, having totally separate lives from ours and not interested in sharing. So, being part of a large family now is so foreign to me. I was thrust into involvement and curiosity and interest. I wasn't used to having so many people care about you at one time. When Nicholas was born, we were overrun by flowers and calls and gifts by people we barely knew, but who were related by either blood or association. My son was born into a world of great-aunts, godmothers, and second cousins twice-removed. I'm glad he has that, too. I think it is something I missed in life, that bond that you share that transcends generations, that connects you only by the fact that you shared the same lineage. People with whom you share the same traditions.