Walking Backwards

My son is now four years old. In addition to breaking my heart and looking more and more like the grown-up he is going to become, he is about to go in for the four year-old right of passage. Nico has his four year-old well-child check-up that includes every shot you have ever heard or thought of and a hearing and vision screening. I know a lot of people are up in arms about the need for vaccinations, but I think that, since we travel outside of the country, we are outside of the realm of group immunity. Joe is taking a long lunch and is going to meet us at the doctor's office. I can't be in the room when he gets his shots, I'm outside the door, sobbing. So now, I need to pack lunches and bags and dress my little boy in little boy clothes.

Somehow we've made it through most of the long weekend without accomplishing much at all. We've stayed busy the whole time, too, so that makes it even stranger. The good news is that I haven't had to cook dinner all weekend and I am not going to have to cook tonight either. Yay for dinners with friends. Thank god, because we have also failed to go to the grocery store. Most of our time has been spent working on small projects that are always neglected, that we always mean to get around to, but just haven't yet.

For instance, I have finally started to label the photos that we took in Italy in October. I also made a table cloth and napkins for Nicholas' playroom table so we can start having snack in there over the summer. There has been some cleaning, but also lots of visits with friends and lots of reading fluffy, how-to books and sitting around. The fabric store with the boys was fine, but unsuccessful. They had sold out of the patterns I wanted, so buying the fabric was pointless (I'm going to get some patterns to make Nico's winter pjs). The consignment store next door was great, but mostly had winter clothes. Joe was very tempted by the Indian motorcycle powerwheel for $35, but Nicholas didn't seem too interested in it, at least not enough for us to blow our budget on it.

For the remaining few hours of the weekend, I'm planning a long shower where I get to shave my legs so I don't feel so bad going to the wading pool next week. We are having a group dinner close-by with the local parenting board I'm a member of. I wish I could have accomplished more, but I think this weekend, more than anything else, was a trial run to get us in the summer mindset. We need to accustom ourselves to the lazy days and let go of what we think needs to be done. I really need to step back from project mode and focus on being with my family, which, sadly, had been secondary for the past few months. There is going to be artichoke pizza and beer and a covered playscape tonight, so I don't think the letting it go will be a problem.

I have run into a project quandary today. I have this great old vintage sheet that I found while thrifting last week (probably my last thrifting for a while since I've been doing it while Nico was in school) and I was planning on cross-dying it. It is orange and yellow and, while not really all that bad, it doesn't match anything in our house.



The pattern is great though and I love the shading on it. So I was just going to cross-dye it blue to go with everything in our bedroom. But it is such a great example of a 1970s pattern and it is in perfect condition with no rips and tears and the colors are really quite nice for being orange and yellow, I am just feeling guilty about it. I don't want to ruin it. While it only cost me $1.50, I think that it would be a great waste to have to throw the thing away or being unhappy with it in the end. Plus, I like being able to go into my fabric stash and just look at it. Maybe if I start finding more good stuff like it, I'll be able to pull the trigger.

This weekend Joe and I are hoping to knock out some of the projects that backed up behind the cursed light fixture. I had sworn off of starting anything new until that light fixture was up. So now, instead of continuing to bang my head against the bathroom remodel, I've decided to do something pretty and paint the spare bedroom. The paint we chose is Ralph Lauren's 'Cowgirl Blue'. You can see it somewhere here:

Super cool paint color

I also have been working on my day of the dead quilt and have finished the piecing of the top. I bought the backing a couple of weeks ago when I happened on the perfect fabric while out and about.



Tomorrow, my lucky husband and son are going to get to accompany me while I try to find the perfect border. Yay for having boys to go to fabric stores with! Once those are on (and that's an easy part), it is time to pin it and quilt the whole thing. I might have the thing done by Christmas if I'm lucky.

We are now taking a deep breath and seeing where we stand. Nicholas and I, that is. Today is the first day of summer for us. Yesterday was just a trial run. The first day of summer has always held possibilities for me. When I was younger and my best friends lived right down the street, every summer day was filled with play and art and imagination. I remember sitting in my backyard in the late afternoon, drinking Hi-C fruit punch and trading Lisa Frank stickers. We would make up our own games, pretending we were animals with special powers, catching bugs in the backyard. It wasn't entirely idyllic, but as I get older and further from those times, the bad parts don't seem to be what my mind wants to hold on to.

Now, I have my own child, I realize how lucky I was. The neighborhood we are in now does not have many children. I haven't seen any who are Nicholas' age. The quest for playmates and friends seems harder, for both of us. So the summers for us, while not entirely alone, are lonely. This year is especially bad because, when we said goodbye to his preschool, we said goodbye for good. We'll have a couple of playdates over the summer, I'm sure, but I know that we all have to go on with our lives.

So today starts the time when we are setting new plans and making a new course. What is important for us, what do we want to do. Do we want to visit art museums and talk about the beauty of man or do we want to spend time in the parks in the heat and witness the beauty of nature? Do we want to do it all or do we want to sit inside and enjoy the fleeting moments of calm? We'll make our decision as we make our way through the summer.

I must really be neglecting this thing, seeing as how I hesitated to remember my password when I started to log in. Because I want to just jump in where I am, here is a bulleted list of where I was:

- Friday I spent a frantic day cleaning the house. Sadly, I didn't finish it all, but that turned out to be okay. Joe's mother Charla decided that she was staying with us, so my mother stayed with my brother.

- Saturday morning, I woke up early to decorate the cake. A pirate cake.

- Nicholas' birthday party was on Saturday at Little Gym. We had a ton of people cancel at the last minute and the party went from being to big to being a little small. We ended up with ten guests, but they all seemed to have fun.

- The gift situation this year was reasonable for once. He got a year membership to the children's museum, which was what I wanted, and a toy cash register, which is what he wanted. He also got a ton of books and pajamas, also good.

- Saturday after the party, all the family came over here to open gifts and eat. It was nice, but it started wearing me down a little. I also was starting to get behind in the dishes department and our sink started to overflow. I don't think caught up on dishes all weekend.

- We skipped dinner out on Saturday because I was exhausted. I really, really wanted to go too, but it would not have been a good thing.

- Sunday I woke up early to pack the car for the garage sale. I made breakfast for everyone and said goodbye and left for the garage sale site. I had rented a table at a group garage sale. I ended up selling almost everything and made about $80.

- I also got a horrible sunburn and couldn't go to Nicholas' friend's birthday party that afternoon. Joe had to go by himself.

- When I got home the in-laws were gone and my mom and Travis came to pick me up to go shopping. My mom bought me a new pair of vans and got Nicholas a couple of books. She had spent the weekend replenishing Travis' wardrobe.

- We got home and ordered pizza and put in one of the videos we had rented. Match Point by Woody Allen, not bad, but deals heavily with the issues of infidelity. I liked it, but like the movie we watched on Monday better.

- Monday, Joe and I went to Nicholas' school because it was our day to be helping parents. It was Nicholas' birthday and I signed up for the day at the beginning of the school year. We brought apple scones for snack and sang happy birthday.

- After class, we went by Travis' apartment to see my mom. They ended up not being ready to go and we drove home to feed the boy and get him ready for nap. After a short while mom and Travis swung by with some food and picked me up to go get some patio furniture for our backyard and Travis' patio.

- We rushed through Target and ended up not being able to fit Travis' chairs in his car or in my car, so we had to tie them on the roof of his car. I then had to follow them home in my car to make sure they didn't lose them.

- My mother left with Travis for the airport and we said a tearful goodbye. We'll be up in Seattle in August, though, so it won't be long before I see my mom again.

- When I got home and finally took a survey of the house I couldn't believe how dirty it could get in one weekend, really.

- That evening, Joe and I went to the monthly happy hour I go to with my mom's group. Nicholas and Joe go to the coffee shop down the hill with the other dad and kids and all the mothers get to drink and cavort. Yay for cavorting!

- When we got back, Travis was here doing his laundry. We sat down to watch the last video I had rented, Tarnation, which was so, so good, but dealt with the issues of being raised by a parent with a mental illness and was hard to watch. It was so unusually done, but really original. Thumbs up.

- Tuesday, I started to clean, but gave up soon into it and ran errands instead. I really don't remember much of what I did in the morning. I did go over to Travis' and put together his coffee table for him.

- Tuesday afternoon, Maria and the girls showed up and we talked before going over to Chuck E' Cheeses for a small birthday for Nicholas with some of our close friends. Love the skeeball, but the pizza is expensive and terrible.

- Wednesday was Nicholas' last day at school. I couldn't be there very long before I started getting upset and had to leave. We'll see everyone for our goodbyes on Sunday at the end of the year party.

- After going to Joe's work, I finally got motivated enough to start cleaning. It isn't done yet, but it is started. Hopefully, by the end of this week . . .

- In the middle of cleaning, I had to go downtown to bring a car seat to a friend who had lost her keys and had to transport herself and her daughter back home in her husband's car. I felt so bad for them, because I can just imagine how much fun it would be to get stuck with a three year-old in the heat.

- Joe had a D&D game and had to work a maintenance downtime last night, so I didn't get to see him, but he'll wake up soon. Nicholas and I have a playdate in an hour or so, so I hope he wakes up before we have to leave.

That is the rundown of the last week. I hope that I'll have pictures uploaded soon. Now I can start blogging with a clean slate.

Listen hard and you might hear the maniacal laughter coming from my house. I laugh when I'm stressed. I laugh when I feel that my situation is almost comically bad. The fact that my OCD mother is going to be here tomorrow and Nicholas' party is on Saturday and I have a garage sale on Sunday has a lot to do with it. Instead of sitting here I should be cleaning or baking or putting together the bag of stuff I'm taking over to a friend's house because she just had a baby and is in worse shape, as far as being overwhelmed, as I am. I don't know, sometimes I worry that I take on too much at a time. I suppose this weekend is a good example. I really need to learn how to say: "No, I can't do that right now. I already have enough going on." But it is a little late for that now, so today I am marking Dr. Seuss juice glasses with small, round stickers with $.25 written on them and drawing out a plan for a pirate birthday cake and dusting around door frames and mopping all of our floors. I think I would feel better if I hadn't run out of coffee yesterday.

Yesterday was interesting. I took Nicholas to school and it is finally getting out to the other parents that I am not taking Nicholas back there next year. I really felt put on the spot to explain what happened because it was so involved and personal and I didn't want to be petty and say anything bad about anyone at the school. I need to figure out something to say that covers why we're going but doesn't get into the specifics. Also, when one of the other parents in Nicholas' class (whom I had known and liked since the beginning of us being there two years ago) asked me about it, I got a little upset because it is finally sinking in that we aren't ever going to see this place again that we've invested so much of ourselves into. It is going to be a hard week and a half to get through.

In light of our leaving the school and my being out of school until next spring so that I can get my financial-aid together, we are trying to go out and be more social. As soon as I finish up this entry, we are going to a friend's house to play with her and her little girl. Last night, I had a parent's happy hour where the mom's went inside for drinks and the dads played with all of the kid's on the playscape outside. It was a nice set-up and Nicholas gets to be around other kids and other adults as well. I'm hoping that our days are not going to revolve around being inside alone, I really want community here and I am going to have to work at it to make it happen. I also need to set up our calendar of things to do this summer as well. In Texas it gets too hot to really do much of anything for extended periods outside, but there is a lot to do inside and a lot to do outside if you plan well.

I better get to making breakfast and changing out of my pajamas, we will (hopefully) have a busy day.

Oh, and for those who are following my bathroom remodel saga. . . I finally got my light fixture up and working. All by myself. Now I have to get motivated to actually finish the rest of the bathroom. If it is as hard as that light fixture was, I am not to keen on starting.

So, my mother's day has been lame because my husband had to work all day and I cut my hand open on the garden hose, but I got to snuggle my baby to bed and read him stories and have him tell me that he loves me, that was the good part that makes up for all of the bad. While waiting for Joe to get off of the phone with one of the dozens of people who called here this evening (why does he give them our home phone number?), Nicholas and I snuggled on my bed as the TV Guide channel scrolled by on the screen of our bedroom television. When I tried to switch the channel to a mindless, soul-crushing 'comedic drama', he got very upset. "No mommy! That's my favorite channel. I love it!" Really, that's what he said. About the TV Guide channel. It took me awhile to persuade him to be okay with my choice of shows, but I don't think I swayed his love for the program listing.

I know. I am the worst blogger ever. I haven't been able to keep up with it at all lately. I took my last final on Thursday and I am on the downhill slope toward getting ready for everything else that is going on, so I hope to come back and write more soon. A lot more. Today I have to get ready for my mom coming into town next week and Nicholas birthday party and the garage sale we're part of that same weekend and Nicholas' class is wrapping up . . . I'm ready for the restful summer.

I'm still alive, but don't really think that anyone wants to hear about my doing laundry or ironing or washing the windows. Really, very little excitement here. I was going to go on a protest march on May 1st for immigrant rights, but my hip still hurt so badly that I didn't think I'd be able to make it. I hope that someone out there got the message. It has been all over the news, so that's good. Maybe I'll talk more about it later. For now, boring studying and driving Nicholas around.