Walking Backwards

The past few days have gone by in a bit of a blur. I haven't read a page in my book, I don't remember exactly when I showered (I know it was sometime in there), and I haven't returned a single phone call I've gotten. I seem to be a little overwhelmed. My life always seems to come in waves like this; either I'm running the marathon or I'm sitting on the bench drinking Gatorade with my feet up. There seems to be even more of the marathon lately, though.

Right now I can't remember what happened before Friday. Friday was one of those days that just burns the rest of the week and all of existence out of your mind. Friday I got my first traffic ticket ever. I was pulled over right after dropping Nicholas off at school. I got my first traffic ticket ever for an expired registration sticker. It wasn't even for anything cool.

When I picked up Nicholas, his teacher held me up for a talk. We're having a conference with her and the director of the school on Monday, but I think she wanted to give me a little preview so that I wouldn't go into shock or cry during our meeting. The last time Joe and I met with her, back in December, she told us that Nicholas was having some unusual problems adjusting to school. She told me that she has had the director come in and observe him and has really been working on his behavior problems. She thinks it's best to have him stay back a year in school. She also wants to have him evaluated by a therapist. I'm upset, but I really just want Nicholas to be happy and comfortable and I think that doing these things will help. We are going to discuss all of this and our options tomorrow. I'm upset. No one with children ever wants them to have a difficult time of things. Every difficulty that they have, you feel it as if it's your own. I took Nicholas to the zoo afterward just to watch him to see what was so wrong with my little boy. To me he's perfect.

Saturday was long, too. I drove around the daughter of my mother's friend because she is new in town and is having a hard time adjusting to her new life. It wasn't terrible, but I had just wanted to lay in bed all day reading and sleeping (it was my day off). Instead we painted ceramics and had Japanese food. In the evening we had dinner with friends and Nicholas and their son had some problems getting along which is opposite their usual kinship, so we left early figuring the boys were tired. Nicholas bounced off the walls until we got home, but feel asleep while Joe read him his book.

Then today we spent running errands. I'm tired and so is Joe. We keep annoying each other. He wants to talk and I want to write. I want stillness and he wants to get things done. Maybe we should both concede what we really want. To go to sleep.