Walking Backwards

To whomever it was that invented bathtub crayons,

There is a special place in hell that is reserved for you. I know that it seemed like a good idea to keep kids entertained in the bath and encourage artistic creativity. However, for those of us parents that don't scrub the tub after every child's bath, they are a huge pain in the ass and stain every towel that I put over the edge of the tub. But that isn't the worst, oh no, do you know what my creative child does when he discovers the bathtub crayons are empty - he uses real crayons. Yep, I thought he was just sitting there playing with his toys, while I got the laundry together and started it but he was using the jumbo orange crayon to draw a face. So I hope you feel heavy guilt and remorse for what you have done, I have enough to deal with during the day.



To the makers of Mr. Clean magic eraser,

I love you. Really, really love you. I know that whatever you put into that thing will probably make my future children grow gills and that using them is probably environmentally akin to clubbing a baby seal, but you make my life so much easier. May you be blessed with a long and happy existence.