Walking Backwards

My loving brother just came by to generously deposit two Thanksgiving pies on my countertops and disappeared into the night. He did this to both provide me his employee discount and to aid in my quest to avoid the grocery store madness at any cost. I think he is attempting to make amends to me for the state of his room, the amount of help he has been asking me to give, and to abate his guilt for his recent request for me to built him a desk. Didn't know I built furniture in my spare time, did you? Neither did I. I consider it a trial run for the desk I'm building for our new office. Who knows when we are going to get to this, though.

I enrolled in school for next semester and am all paid up. I'm taking Physical Geology. It is every Tuesday and Thursday from 7:05pm to 9:50pm. I have no idea what I'm doing. Right now I seem to be at a point in my life where I feel adrift and have nothing I'm really fired up about working towards. For such a long time I've been working towards the definable goal of getting into the local four-year university in their super-competitive classics department and getting my graduate degree and teaching. Now I find myself asking if this is really what I want to do with my life. I'm still puttering around in community college because, to be honest, I do not want to make the life sacrifices that it is going to take to reach this goal of mine. What is worse is that it is never going to get any better. I quit the pre-med track when I decided that I was not absorbed enough in it to have it take up my personality and my existence. But doesn't everything become that all encompassing? Maybe it is just my existence right now that isn't fitting into the picture properly. I have a small child that is the center of my world and that deserves to be put first. I have a new house that needs work. I have so many family obligations that I can't lift my day planner anymore. I have so much in my life already. The question that I'm asking myself is if these are just excuses.