Walking Backwards

I should be reading The Scarlet Letter or finishing my paper or finishing my readings on Hume or starting Kant, but I'd rather write while I eat my dinner (yummy, yet unappealing sounding veggie loaf). I also got a couple of new books in the mail today that I could be perusing, but some mindless rambling seems more appealing to me. We got back our exams in my American Lit. class and I got a perfect score, so two for two. I'm now under tremendous pressure for the third and final test.

Tomorrow, I am going to start looking into volunteer opportunities for the summer. I was seriously considering a position (unpaid, of course) working at a local history center, but I may hold off on that until the fall. Several charities in town always need help over the summer, so I need to get on the phone and see what I can do with my son at hand. This brings me to the topic that I alluded to in my former post, how on Earth am I going to continue activism and community/national/global efforts for the causes I believe in? I can't even watch the news anymore. The greatest guilt in all this lies in the fact that I am kind of okay with not being as involved with the world outside of my little shell right now. Before Nicholas came along I was a letter writer, I did work with numerous charities, made it my mission to educate people and register voters, kept abreast of the issues, attended demonstrations, knew the names, addresses, and phone numbers of all my elected officials, but not so much any more. With Nicholas, I want a safe haven from the hypocrisy and evil and ill-will in the world. This is as much for me as it is for him. I don't want to have to think about what kind of world Nico is going to have to face when he walks out the front door. I want to keep him safe from all that. I know that of all things I should be more of an activist now, because I have both of our futures to think of, but I would rather remain sheltered for just a little while longer. I am already starting to involve us in community projects. Soon enough, the world is going to creep in and I want to teach Nicholas that he is capable of effecting it. Just for a bit, though, I want him to think the best of the world and of humanity.

Now off to bed to put off the world a little longer. Maybe tomorrow I'll change my views, who knows?