Walking Backwards

I'm being a bad mother today. Nicholas is in his playroom destroying the universe, and here I am at my computer (as I have been for the past two hours) doing nothing to stop him. I have had a bit of a shock today. As I was perusing the aisles at the local gourmet shopping mega-plex today during my short stint of freedom while Nicholas is at preschool, my girl-doctor's office called to tell me my test results. Well, they didn't call me exactly. I called Joe who told me that they called shortly after I left this morning. They wouldn't give Joe my results, damn them, so he had me call the office right then with promises to inform him immediately after finding out what the deal really was. So . . . I have high-grade squamous intraepithelial lesions. Yeah, go ahead and look it up on the internet, its not pretty. Basically, these are the worst results we could have gotten short of cancer. The nurse was trying her best to play up the good side, repeatedly saying "this does not mean that you have cancer" and "the results, so far, only indicate that you have pre-cancer." At the time I had no idea what in the hell high-grade squamous intraepithelial lesions meant and I indicated as much to the nurse on the phone. Her answer then went from the clinical name of what I had to "you have a bunch of bad cells on your cervix and the doctor needs to cut them out." Yeah, I knew THAT already. So, I have an appointment the first week of December to remove all of the offending cells. No one in the universe should have to be this aware of their cervix, seriously.

Other things are going on in my life, too, you know. I registered for school this week and will be taking a Philosophy class and an American Lit class in the spring. I'm still at community college, but we're poor, so its all I got right now. The good news is that these classes will count as electives toward my major and may even transfer as credits toward my minor. If Travis ever graduates, my mother will pay for my upper level college, I just have to wait. I'm okay with waiting, I'm kind of enjoying the limited amount of free-time that I do have. That isn't to say that I'm not breaking down the door to the college trying to get into a class, any class. I will miss some of the grocery store trash that I have been reading, though.

Nicholas is doing better in preschool, for those of you that are wondering. I am able to leave for a couple of hours at a time now. He doesn't even cry when I leave, most of the time, anymore. Today he had a meltdown, but I think it was just exhaustion and general crankiness. He fell asleep on the ride home.