Walking Backwards

Ugh, I'm sick to my tummy. Despite what some may suspect, this is not a hangover upset stomach. I think the five days of overeating super-rich foods that I normally only indulge in on special occasions has finally caught up with me. Well, at least it was fun getting sick. Let me give you a run down of my gastronomic adventures this last week. First, after my mom's plane landed on Wednesday she wanted to go out to eat (my mother does not eat at home). We went to Texas Land and Cattle Company and I had a Caesar salad, a filet steak with cabernet peppercorn sauce, steamed spinach and a baked sweet potato. All that, all by myself. Then came Thanksgiving, which was fabulous, thanks for asking. I made a huge turkey (which we only ate half of), mashed potatoes, macaroni and cheese, green bean casserole, yeast rolls, meringue and streusel-topped sweet potatoes, raisin apple stuffing, a pecan pie, and a pumpkin cheesecake. Annie brought a green salad and cranberry relish. Friday, we ate leftovers from Thanksgiving dinner and had Chinese food for dinner. Saturday, we drove to Houston for Tyler's birthday party and had to stop for kolaches and pastries on the way. We ate a ton of birthday cake and typical party food at the party, but still managed to eat barbecue after we arrived home. Sunday, we had potato and egg tacos for breakfast and then my mom took us for a big dinner at Pappadeauxs. One Greek salad, a cup of crawfish bisque, and two crab cakes later, I feel like I have been hit by a truck. My tummy is not too keen on letting anything else into it. I am probably going to spend the rest of the week before my surgery detoxing my body from the massive amounts of fat, salt, and starch that I have spent the last five day consuming. Lots of water, lots of green tea and lots of steamed veggies and whole grains. The funniest and most ironic moments during this gluttonous period was when, shortly after Thanksgiving dinner, we were sitting around watching Super Size Me and feeling very self-righteous. After all, we don't eat fast-food, we'll just eat ten-times the amount of all the good stuff.


Other than eating, we did do a lot this week. Thanksgiving was fun. It was very laid-back and casual. I was amazingly un-stressed the entire time. Everything went off without a hitch and nothing burned. We got to be with so many of the people we loved and had great conversation. I got to spend Hosea's first Thanksgiving with him and his parents. Nicholas was a charming little guy the entire time. He went around to everyone and said "Give me five!" after dinner, slapping everyone's hands whenever they responded to his request appropriately. He also started calling my dad "grandpa," which my dad was thrilled at. Everyone left after about three hours because we all have other families and other houses that we have to make an appearance at. Clean-up took no time at all and my mom, my brother, Nicholas, Joe, and I settled into the couches for a night of watching documentaries.


Saturday was my nephew Tyler's first birthday party and we had to go, of course. We drove in with my mom in the afternoon (she was visiting my aunt that day) stopping at my favorite kolache place along the way. We always stop at Hruska's every trip we take to Houston. Its a little gas station that has its own bakery and cult following. My mom loved it too, even though she didn't know what a kolache was. The party itself was mostly adults and Nicholas wasn't feeling great, so there wasn't much excitement. Getting to see Tyler and more of Joe's family was wonderful, though. He has gotten so big, I am amazed every time I see him. He also got an amazing amount of gifts. I don't feel so bad for not getting him anything now, although I'll make it up to him when Joe gets a job. Good thing our Christmas shopping was almost done before the paychecks went away.


Sunday, my mother took my brother and I shopping. Joe stayed home with the little man to grant us a peaceful and quick shopping experience. Now, you must understand that my mother is not what you would call financially responsible or even financially reasonable. She isn't getting me what I want this Christmas (a Tar*get giftcard) because she thinks that I do something foolish like spend it on things my family actually needs. She doesn't understand that I would much rather have her buy me a month's worth of groceries than a winter coat in Texas. That being said, it was rather fun to go out and buy things that I wouldn't have even remotely paid for myself. We started out at Academy and found Converse sneakers for both Travis and I. This is an amazing occurrence because I have the world's smallest feet. They just don't carry men's size 3s. We then went to a bunch of other stores and bought stuff; Ann Taylor, Kohls, Burlington, Gap, etc. The best of the day had to be Marmi. I got a pair of dark red leather, knee-high boots. Talk about impractical, but I love them. My family probably thinks I'm insane. Travis was bored out of his mind for most of the day, but we all enjoyed ourselves I think. That will be the last time I set foot in a mall so close to the holidays, however.


I certainly have rambled on for a bit, haven't I. Well, my mother is gone now so I don't have to keep a steady stream of dialog up and its a hard habit to break. I'm sure my next entry won't be so long. I hope everyone out there in diary land had a great holiday.

I have just returned from the grey goose martini night. Please excuse me if I ramble or stumble on my words. Tomorrow things will return to normal and I can cease the heavy drinking that so often accompanies my mother's visits. I swear, this will be my last drink for hours. And I have so much to tell that I should have staid my hand at the last alcoholic beverage. I promise, I will fill you in later (and perhaps edit this post for spelling and grammatical errors). I must write about Thanksgiving and my nephew's first birthday and how crazy my mother is to buy me two-hundred dollar boots but won't buy my a pack of diapers. I'll let you know. Once I am sober.

If it doesn't stop raining soon my son is going to explode. Doesn't mother nature know not to mess with the outdoor activities of a two year-old boy? I can't believe how long we have been trapped in this house. I am at the end of my creative rope here trying to figure out stuff for him to do. I was so thankful to take him to preschool today, even though I dread it most of the time, just for the change in scenery. The ride there was so awful that I wouldn't have braved it if there wasn't a school potluck today (I'm a sucker for other peoples' cooking). We did get a short respite today, we were granted about three hours of sunlight. Nicholas decided that this would be the best time to take his nap, though. I just feel so badly for him. He loves to run around and play outside and I haven't been able to let him for over a week now. Here is a list of some of the things that we have ended up doing to fight boredom:

- I filled up a bunch of paper grocery bags with crumpled newsprint and taped two of them together to close them off. I have over a dozen of them now. We spend several hours on Monday stacking them, jumping on them, and kicking them around.

- We have spend hours on the pbs.org kid's website. Nico is particularly enthralled with the Booh*Bah page. I found myself laughing at the Clifford game where, if you match the balloon colors that people are holding, Clifford licks that person's backside. I know, my son is more mature than I am sometimes.

- I have read Nicholas close to fifty books (this is no exaggeration).

- I let Nicholas draw on my stomach with washable markers. About an hour later I found that he had snuck them off of the counter and had colored all over himself (again).

- We have reviewed every photo album in the house a dozen times. His favorite is our Christmas album from last year. He likes to go through it and scream out the names of the toys in the pictures. I think he had forgotten where all of his playthings had come from.

- I, unintentionally, taught my son the word "damnit." Remember always to check behind you before swearing at your computer, who knows what little impressionable minds will choose to remember. He now has taken to hitting something on its side and saying "damnit" when ever it doesn't work the way it is supposed to. If anyone has any advice on how to make this stop, let me know.

- We have gone through more art supplies than a public middle school in Texas is granted for the year.

- I have willing volunteered to baby-sit several children Nicholas' age so that he can have someone around the house play with. This back-fired in a way I should have expected. Instead of having one stir-crazy toddler in the house, I had two crazy little boys egging each other on and generally causing chaos for over three hours.

I am hoping for child-raising enlightenment to strike me. The streak of bad weather has sadly fallen during one of our TV turnoff weeks this year. At least that is keeping me from having to watch Tele*tubbies or Blue's*Clues all day long. I am now regretting not taking the time to read more than one preschool activity book. I know now that this is a test that I am going to have to study for in the future.

Joe just got laid-off. I am not freaking kidding here.

I'm being a bad mother today. Nicholas is in his playroom destroying the universe, and here I am at my computer (as I have been for the past two hours) doing nothing to stop him. I have had a bit of a shock today. As I was perusing the aisles at the local gourmet shopping mega-plex today during my short stint of freedom while Nicholas is at preschool, my girl-doctor's office called to tell me my test results. Well, they didn't call me exactly. I called Joe who told me that they called shortly after I left this morning. They wouldn't give Joe my results, damn them, so he had me call the office right then with promises to inform him immediately after finding out what the deal really was. So . . . I have high-grade squamous intraepithelial lesions. Yeah, go ahead and look it up on the internet, its not pretty. Basically, these are the worst results we could have gotten short of cancer. The nurse was trying her best to play up the good side, repeatedly saying "this does not mean that you have cancer" and "the results, so far, only indicate that you have pre-cancer." At the time I had no idea what in the hell high-grade squamous intraepithelial lesions meant and I indicated as much to the nurse on the phone. Her answer then went from the clinical name of what I had to "you have a bunch of bad cells on your cervix and the doctor needs to cut them out." Yeah, I knew THAT already. So, I have an appointment the first week of December to remove all of the offending cells. No one in the universe should have to be this aware of their cervix, seriously.

Other things are going on in my life, too, you know. I registered for school this week and will be taking a Philosophy class and an American Lit class in the spring. I'm still at community college, but we're poor, so its all I got right now. The good news is that these classes will count as electives toward my major and may even transfer as credits toward my minor. If Travis ever graduates, my mother will pay for my upper level college, I just have to wait. I'm okay with waiting, I'm kind of enjoying the limited amount of free-time that I do have. That isn't to say that I'm not breaking down the door to the college trying to get into a class, any class. I will miss some of the grocery store trash that I have been reading, though.

Nicholas is doing better in preschool, for those of you that are wondering. I am able to leave for a couple of hours at a time now. He doesn't even cry when I leave, most of the time, anymore. Today he had a meltdown, but I think it was just exhaustion and general crankiness. He fell asleep on the ride home.

Here it is, Friday night. I am rather proud of myself because, right now, I am polishing off my third glass of wine. Let me tell you, that is a lot of wine for someone with a two year-old who only vaguely remembers the last time I consumed enough alcohol to become even slightly tipsy. I don't think that I realized until recently, how far behind me my martini swigging days of yester-year really were. Now I am the quintessential "cheap date". Go me!

On to the exciting events of the day! I got to have my secondary cancer screening today. Things could have gone better and what they found could have been more promising, but I am not going to find out my lab results for at least a week and a half, so why bother worrying until then? From what I understand, it is very unlikely that I will have cancer. But, at the sight of the devices of torture they were planning to use on me just for the exam, I was considering the possibility of cancer only a minor footnote in what I was going to have to endure. My questions were focused more on "how much is this going to hurt?" and "you are going to warn me if your going to do something painful, right?", rather than the logical lines of questioning most people in this situation would ask. My doctor was kind enough to snap me back into the situation by explaining my former test results and by sending me home with plenty of brochures. It wasn't as bad as I was fearing, but I don't think I am going to be looking forward to my next one. The follow-up procedure, should they find anything that has to be removed, sounds horrifying. The type of abnormality I have prevents me from getting the typical treatment that most people with cervical dysplasia go through. Good thing that this procedure get you anesthesia.

I am now off for the evening to continue my drunken revelry. Hopefully, I won't fall asleep changing into my pajamas again. I really want to get some reading done :).

So now that I've gotten that painfully indulgent, politically oriented entry out of the way, I now feel able to continue on with writing about my normal life. That entry was a total road-block for the past week and I just couldn't write anything else without doing it. Now I have an entire week to catch up on and, as my time is short, I am just going to have to skim over it.

First, Nicholas loved the circus we went to on election night. The tent was almost totally empty so we got really great seats and there was a wide walk-way in front of us for Nicholas to run around on. He loved the contortionist and kept trying to put his legs behind his head after watching her, a feat that kept both us and the family next to us laughing. About half-way through the show, Nicholas had gotten so excited that we had to leave. He kept running under the seats and down the aisles and was just becoming to hard to keep out of trouble. It was probably best, too, because the circus was pretty far from our house leaving us very little time to get Nicholas ready for bed before his usual (and needed) bed time. They didn't have any big pretzels, anyway.

We skipped out on the trip to Houston last weekend because, believe it or not, Joe's Godmother died and we didn't think Nicholas could handle two funerals in a row, especially as this one was in Louisiana. We are going to see the family the weekend after Thanksgiving. Instead we spent the weekend working on our neglected house. I planted flowers in the front gardens and picked up the backyard. I also broke another light fixture bracket. Bad luck I guess. We have so much left to do to the house in the next two weeks that I am not sure we are going to have the place in order by the time our twelve guests arrive. Oh well, the only one who will really care is my mom and I can live with that for five days. I would like to get the place a little cleaner, however, before having my in-laws stay the week.

Ugh, I JUST got a phone call telling me that I need to sub for the helping parent at Nicholas' preschool tomorrow. I'm going to have to cut this entry short because I now have to go to the store to get the class snack and set everything up for the morning. I'll finish my week-long re-cap tomorrow, hopefully. I must talk about how my first yoga class was and how truly out of shape I am.

Okay, I haven't written in some time because I really wanted to write a meaningful and purposeful entry regarding the election results. I now realize that I am going to be unable to convey what I feel succinctly enough in writing and that I don't really want to. There are enough political blogs and forums out there if that's what your looking for. I've never really talked about my own personal politics or actions here and, while this is a major political event, I don't want to start. Politics rile me up and this journal is supposed to be my way of distressing. That being said, I do want to make a comment a few things ;). While I voted for the other guy, our current president won the majority. We live in a democracy and I will live with the decision. But, I can't help but worry that 51 percent of the population has all of the power over the other 49 percent. I hope that this does not keep our voices from being heard. I hope that this does not keep people from fighting for what they believe in and legitimately questioning authority. Most of all I hope that people will realize that, while sometimes it seems futile, protecting our rights is worth the struggle. That working to preserve our freedoms is a good way to exhibit what your "moral values" are. Martin Luther King, Jr. said, "Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter." Even though I had serious problems with the current administration in the past, I am not going to automatically assume that they are going to do the same in the future. They have my "benefit of the doubt." I can now only hope that they use it well.

Gah! Please let this election nightmare be behind me. I am going to go to sleep now and hope that I won't wake up to the results I am expecting. Until then, a stolen quiz (thanks Maria for providing temporary distraction :)). Joe found this a little too close to my personality:


You will perish of fits. Repeat this to yourself:
"Things can work out even if I don't get
my way. Things can work out even...."


What horrible Edward Gorey Death will you die?
brought to you by Quizilla

I am that bad, really. Everyone likes to get their way.

Well, we're back to the land of the living. Thanks to all who sent their condolences. I am quite surprised how difficult this actually is to make it through. The two days following my dad's phone call, I remained optimistic and utterly in denial. When we checked into our hotel, I was relatively happy (we don't stay in hotels very often). During dinner with my dad on Friday night we talked about politics and real estate investment. When we got into the car to go to my grandmother's funeral, I started crying. When we got to the funeral home I was sobbing. How I made it through the funeral without anyone having to escort me out, I'll never know. My great intentions of being the one to support and comfort my father were dashed. I was a wreck. I am better now. I still have my random moments where I shed a few tears, but the overwhelming nature of my prior despair has diffused. I am now functional again. Damn, these things are hard sometimes.


Other things have been going in our lives, too. Nicholas went trick-or-treating for the first time ever on Sunday. He had no idea what was going on. The first few houses we went to, Nicholas would start to walk inside the moment the owners opened their doors. He finally realized that he was just there for the people to put something in his bag. We never did get him to say "trick-or-treat," but he did say thank you and "BYE!" after each candy fix. After about ten houses, he looked into his bag to discover that people were putting chocolate in it! He would go no further, until he was allowed a piece of candy. After a Twix bar, he was ready to go finish off the street. Thanks to daylight savings time, we go home before eight. Nicholas got quite a haul, but we are only going to allow him one piece after lunch and then have Joe take whatever is left over to work with him at the end of next week. I will endure a little chocolate-covered hyperactivity and the constant cries for "candy!" to allow my son this joy of childhood. I only wish that we had more than one knock on our door. We have so much candy left, I've already given myself a headache trying to get through a little of it. Thankfully, Halloween only comes once a year. I am now dreading Easter.


Tonight, Joe, Nicholas and I are going to the circus. Nico's preschool is sponsoring Circus Chimera and we have two tickets that we didn't sell (and ended up having to buy ourselves). I hope Nico has a good time. I'll be glad to avoid the whole election mess on television. I can look it up tomorrow and I don't need the stress. Maybe they'll let us take pictures. I hope there are big pretzels, I love big pretzels.


Speaking of pictures, here is Nico in his costume. He's a doctor, in case you were wondering. He wouldn't wear a stethoscope, let alone a mask. He did like the baby sized scrubs, though.






(Please note the red marker scribbles on his leg. He also had them all over his hands. I had to explain that he was going as a surgeon.)