Walking Backwards

At the risk of being anti-climactic, my Spanish class for this fall was cancelled for lack of enrollment. To say I'm disappointed is a bit of an understatement. Although I was really nervous about starting, I was looking forward to it quite a bit. The amount of planning and preparation that I did just to get ready for the class now seems all wasted. I had found babysitters for all of the class meetings at Nicholas' school that Joe was going to have to go to. I had menus made out for several weeks of all of the foods I could make quickly on the nights I had school. I had study times set up and had even planned my vacations and Christmas around this. Argh! Now, I am just feeling kind of adrift. It is almost like I don't know what I'm doing. Nothing is moving me forward at this point. I've been staying at home with Nicholas for two years now, and I really enjoy it, but I need to do something that reflects my own identity. Starting school was a way for me to progress in my own life. It was only one class, but it was going to be a way to prove to myself that I wasn't just the caretaker, the housekeeper, the mom. . . Now I just have to figure out what else I can do until the spring semester starts. I can't just sit around here wallowing :).