Walking Backwards

I almost forgot. Here are the pictures of Nicholas using himself and the carpet next to him as a canvas. They didn't turn out too well, but hopefully you can understand why I thank god for washable markers.

At the risk of being anti-climactic, my Spanish class for this fall was cancelled for lack of enrollment. To say I'm disappointed is a bit of an understatement. Although I was really nervous about starting, I was looking forward to it quite a bit. The amount of planning and preparation that I did just to get ready for the class now seems all wasted. I had found babysitters for all of the class meetings at Nicholas' school that Joe was going to have to go to. I had menus made out for several weeks of all of the foods I could make quickly on the nights I had school. I had study times set up and had even planned my vacations and Christmas around this. Argh! Now, I am just feeling kind of adrift. It is almost like I don't know what I'm doing. Nothing is moving me forward at this point. I've been staying at home with Nicholas for two years now, and I really enjoy it, but I need to do something that reflects my own identity. Starting school was a way for me to progress in my own life. It was only one class, but it was going to be a way to prove to myself that I wasn't just the caretaker, the housekeeper, the mom. . . Now I just have to figure out what else I can do until the spring semester starts. I can't just sit around here wallowing :).

Okay, I totally and completely lied about writing an entry on Tuesday. I hope everyone can forgive me. Writing in my journal right now has transformed from something I regularly enjoy, into yet another chore right now. It isn't normally, but at the moment I have enough going on to think of any other activity that requires my time as a burden. The baby shower is going to be over on Saturday, but that stress-inducing nightmare is seguing into my school starting and orientations for Nicholas' preschool. Yay for that! I suppose that won't be so bad, but the two parent orientations are scheduled for evenings that I am going to be in school, so we have had to look for a babysitter so that Joe can attend by himself. I just hope he takes good notes because they are going to go over all of the parent work responsibilities and I am going to be doing 100 percent of them.


I'm feeling kind of let down that summer is almost over. Every year there is so much to do during the summer, so many fun things to see and attend, that I'm sad I don't have another three months with which to enjoy myself. I AM looking forward to the cooler weather and the chance to go outside without fear that the oppressive heat will give my son heat stroke. I'm sure Nicholas will be glad as well, he has always had a definate fondness for the outdoors.


I really need to get the baby to bed, so I have to put this venture of writing a journal entry aside for now. Hopefully I can dump my camera before too long to show you the pictures of why you should never leave a child alone with markers, no matter for how long.

Back from Houston now and I, sadly, don't have time to do an entry right away. We were so busy I'm afraid I'm going to forget something. I hope I can recount everything in detail tomorrow, but I'll just do a quick run-down right now.
- Joe had to work Saturday, but got home around 12:30 giving us plenty of time to pack before leaving
- Deta showed up around the same time Joe got home, but we could only hang-out for about two hours before we had to leave :(. I really miss Deta and wish I could see her more.
- We left and had a horrible drive into Houston.
- We went to IKEA and spent WAY too much money.
- We spent so much money at IKEA, all of the other shopping we wanted to do in Houston was cancelled
- Sunday, we spent most of the day at Joe's dad and step-mom's house
- We left to go see the Curiosa festival at 5
- We bought an unbelievably expensive concert t-shirt and I actually bought two $7 beers
- I got to see Mogwai (YAY!), whom I thought I was going to miss
- The Cure was only okay (much more on this later)
- Joe and I had an interesting discussion on the way home from the show
- We got back to our sleeping baby who behaved like an angel (only when we're gone) at 12:30
- Got woken up by daycare kids early this morning
- Got our stuff together and drove back to Austin
- Unpacked, cleaned house, watched Amile, and here I am

The monster baby is down for his afternoon power nap, and instead of joining him like I should, I'm here trying to keep up with my journal. I have a to-do list a mile long, but at this point I don't care. I need some down time. Last night was my night on the town and I spent it rushing to book group, discussing a book I didn't like, and rushing home. It just wasn't relaxing. Joe says that I exist on stress and at this point I am inclined to agree with him. I have all of these things that I want to do, but doing everything as well as keeping up with my responsibilities is getting harder and harder. I still try to do as much as I can, though. I really see how housewives get addicted to alcohol or valium. I can also see how postal workers go postal; the idea that there will never be an end to the mail equates to laundry or dishes in this house. I really would like to throw and kick things. Its really difficult to see all these calm and peaceful mothers at Nico's preschool and at the park. I just want to beg them to tell me their secrets of the universe or to staple things to them. They really have one up on me.


Enough of my crazy tangent, let's move on to something that will not make my blood pressure go up to dangerous levels. I delivered my first Austin Red Tent meal today. Austin Red Tent is an interesting program set up by some Austin mothers to help out other mothers in need. This time I delivered a dinner to a family that had just had a baby two weeks ago. Other things they do is help when a parent is sick, help with moving, and just help in general. I think its a wonderful idea and am really looking forward to the next thing I can participate in. I'll admit it was weird making chicken enchiladas at 10 o'clock this morning, but Nico thought it was neat because I gave him a fresh ginger cookie after breakfast. Of course, he wasn't able to entertain himself the whole time I was cooking, so it did get a little tedious toward the end. I really was going to make the food this weekend, but Joe got sick so I just did it this morning (and took care of dinner tonight in my sneaky way).


Argh! So much for a nap. The baby calls . . .

I swear, I'm still alive. We have just been super busy lately. I realized yesterday that I have three weeks before school starts and have been trying to get as much stuff done each day that I can. I know I am going to be even busier starting in September, so I don't want to fall behind on everything that needs to be taken care of. Also, we have had plans every weekend for the past two weeks and have plans every weekend until the end of September. Annie's baby shower is coming up in two and a half weeks and we still haven't done everything we need to do for that. I want to get the house cleaned from top to bottom so I can let it go a little for the four months I am taking Spanish class. I need to set up the backyard garden for fall vegetables, which is going to take awhile as I am doing it all organically. The front yard is a wreck and needs to be at least weeded and all the dead things removed. I seriously need to work on potty training with the little monster. He seems entertained to pee on the sliding glass window. I still haven't made all the jams I want to make and the season is almost over (I don't want to be left with eight million canning jars). I have tons of sewing piling up in my basket and my calendar alerted me at the end of last month that I need to start all of my handmade Christmas gifts. I also was informed that I get to host Thanksgiving with my side of the family this year (I'm secretly happy about this). Now only to keep up with book group and get Nico ready for preschool. Anyone want to come over and help, or at least calm me down a bit? Tension Tamer tea just doesn't seem to be doing it and we're out of wine :)

Good news - Joe's cancer screening came back negative. Yay for that!

One last thing before I return to life's labours:


Angels
Your interested in Politics. You have a tendency to
try to do things that have a lot of benefit for
you, and weigh your actions on that.

What Tori Amos Song are you?
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