Walking Backwards

So. . . very. . . tired. My insomnia is driving me nuts. Yesterday went great as far as Nico's schedule goes, he was asleep by 10:30. I layed in bed for five hours after that, just tossing and turning, until I finally got to sleep. The baby woke up two hours later wanting to nurse and it took me another hour to go to sleep after that. He woke up for good just before nine. Bleh. I think I am going to have to go to my old standby of drinking a small glass of wine before bed. At least that way I'll be happy if I'm awake. You'd think that after all I do during the day that I would be asleep as soon as my head hit the pillow, but it doesn't seem to work that way.

I am starting to become overwhelmed with all of my household responsibilities. I can't even imagine what I would do if I worked in addition to all that has to be done around here. I have to applaud all single parents because their workload is unfathomable to me. Right now, I have a list of items that need to be done that is two pages front and back. They all need to be done fairly soon, too. Of course, because of Nicholas everything takes three times as long as normal. I really enjoy seeing everything through his new eyes, but it does require being patient, not rushing him, and accepting the fact that when you go to the store to buy cat food, you also have to look at everything else in the store with careful attention to detail. He does make the normally tedious tasks fun, though. I just hate that when I get something done now, it doesn't seem to make my list any shorter. More gets added every day. My hobbies and all the activities I enjoy seem to have taken a backseat to the daily requirements of life. I also feel like I am shorting Nicholas on the parenting thing because we never have a moment to be still.

I do have to say we live in a wonderful world. This morning Nicholas and I had strawberries in vanilla yogurt. Strawberries in the middle of winter is a pleasure that I think most people take for granted. When I saw them in the grocery store, I got quite excited, but had to wonder about all the shoppers passing by who didn't even grant these lovely ruby jewels of early summer a sideward glance. A dozen or so types of apples are expected to be seen in today's markets. The bunches of fresh herbs and exotic fruits and vegetables are piled high. I consider myself quite lucky. I guess simple things are what make me happy.