Walking Backwards

This week's Unconscious Mutterings -

1. Lover :: fighter
2. Ridiculous :: silly
3. Oscar :: fish
4. Tennis :: player
5. Account Balance :: yipes
6. Hickey :: adolescence
7. License :: driver's
8. Breathmints :: tic tacs
9. TexMex :: happiness
10. Stepmother :: evil

Why is it that no matter how much I clean or which organizational system I use, I can't seem to get ahead of the game? Can someone please instruct me how you are supposed to get things in order when you have a toddler who insists on playing Godzilla behind you? Amazingly, with all of the cleaning I have done of late, my house looks messier than it did before I started. *Sigh* It just makes me want to put my feet up on the coffee table again.


Jon moves into his new place tomorrow and will be taking quite a bit of the stuff around the house with him, so that's good. It has been getting a little cramped lately. I also am going to be able to rid myself of the ugliest coffee table on Earth. The coffee table that is impossible to dust and that Nico loves to hide things in. Even though we don't have a coffee table to replace it and I will be losing my footrest, I will be glad to see it go. I will regret losing Jon's blender. I threw mine away when he moved in because his was nicer, but now I will be left blender-less. As we don't have the money to replace it right away, I'm going to have to resort to the old-fashioned spoon technique. It is going to be odd not having Jon here all the time, but I suppose all adult relatives must move away some time or another.


Speaking of which, Travis is threatening to take flight on us as well. It seems as if one of his co-workers has offered him a roommate position and Travis wants to take it. No more suburban lifestyle to drag him down. He is still unsure if he is going to go, but I hope he doesn't. We really can't afford for him to leave right now and I don't think he is in the best financial situation to do it. There is no talking to him, though, once he has made up his mind. So right now it is just wait and see. All my little adult children are leaving me :(

As a backlash against my lazy self, I have declared this upcoming week to be spring cleaning week as preparation for Joe coming off the road and returning to work in Austin. This may not be the wisest maneuver on my part, but the house is a wreck. I am just going to have to manage spring cleaning, Nico's swim lessons (every day for two weeks), his gymboree lessons, and visits from Annie and family and Maria. Every thing that needs to be done will be handled in small projects. Today, I got the fridge done. Here are the before and after shots:








Tomorrow I am going to try to swing the pantry. Annie and company is coming to visit to go pick blackberries in Marble Falls, but I should still have some time during the day. Jon is moving out on Tuesday and the baby's bed is getting delivered on Wednesday, so I'll have a few days to get ready for that. Yay for domesticity!

Well, I haven't really succeeded in doing much of anything. Joe is the worst influence in that respect (and therefore the best husband). He let me lounge around and finish my book before he left, while he folded the laundry and watched the baby. Now, before I begin book three in the Harry Potter series, I must get things done.


I got the pictures uploaded from the baby's birthday and am going to try to recount what happened that day. First, I stayed until after two in the morning the night before trying to catch up with all that needed to be done. I did prep work on most of the food and wrapped Nico's gifts. I also decorated the Elmo face cake, which was surprisingly easy compared to last year's 3D duck cake. Sadly, none of my digital pictures of it turned out. Hopefully, some of the film pictures will save that effort for posterity's sake. I woke up the day of the party at half past eight and started getting the food together and the place decorated. Annie showed up just after 10 and was a life-saver in the party preparation department. Joe kept the baby entertained by taking him to go pick up balloons. My mom brought us coffee just after eleven and the phone calls started coming in with people telling us they were going to be a little late. By twelve-thirty, most people had shown up for the twelve o'clock party. We set out the food and set about socializing. People showed up hungrier than we thought and the food was quickly devoured. Back into the kitchen for me to make more pizzas and to send Jon out to grill hot dogs. Nicholas fell in love with Cassidy, the eleven year-old daughter of a friend. He kept following her around asking her to pick him up. Lucky for him, she happily obliged. Soon, the pizzas, hot dogs, spinach dip, fruit and vegetable trays were gone. All of the cheese in the house had been consumed and the pasta salad was a vague memory. We had run out of lemonade and iced tea. It was time to open gifts. Nicholas opened a push mower first and ran off with it, not returning for several minutes to see what else he had gotten. Each gift he opened, he was perfectly content to have that be it and for us to leave him to play on his own with his new treasure. He even tried to model the clothes he had gotten, but could only manage to put them on in the manner of a scarf, around his neck. Even the pants he had gotten received a similar treatment. He got a soccer uniform from England, a Ramones t-shirt, two summer short sets, the afore mentioned push mower, a baby pool, pool toys, an outdoor swing, a mister potato head, a case for his hot wheels cars, a train set from ikea, a plastic tub filled with legos, a gift certificate to Whole Foods for all of the special foods we have to buy him, a fridge phonics set, and two thomas the train cars. My mother bought him a twin bed that is getting delivered next week. He is quite the spoiled boy. After opening gifts, the Elmo cake was devoured faster than it was made, only one small red sliver remained. We handed out goodie bags and the guests started to leave. Mark and Maria, who had read the invitation wrong, showed up just as the last guests were departing. We got to celebrate with our friends and little miss Fiona for a bit afterwards before Nicholas began to be showing the telltale signs of exhaustion and had to be put down for a nap. That evening we went to Anthony's housewarming party and Nicholas was excited again by climbing up and down the stairs and laughing at them playing air hockey. No signs of the cranky baby he had been a few hours before. Finally at eleven, after a quick dinner, I got to collapse on the bed after such an exciting day. Nico seemed to enjoy himself so much more this year than last and I can only imagine how much more wonderful next year is going to be. Now for the pictures:


Nico and his friend, Reygan:



Here Nico is running off with the mower, his first gift, trying to get away before we notice:



Trying on pants:



His snazzy Ramones t-shirt:



Petitioning his uncle to open up his legos:

I am having one of those unmotivated weeks where all I want to do is lie on my bed and read. Nicholas does not seem to want to let me do this, however. The amount of pressing engagements and responsibilities I have is staggering as well. Of course, I still sit here at the computer, in my pajamas with my hair unbrushed, and breakfast is just an idea sitting in the fridge. Joe leaves today and won't be back for two weeks straight so I better find my motivation quickly. I know that I said I would give a synopsis of Nico's birthday party, but that must wait until another time because I have yet to get the photos off of the camera, much less upload them to our server. Gah, how can having so much to do make me feel like doing less?


More later after the guilt of doing nothing subsides.

A short break from cleaning to do this week's Unconcious Mutterings:

1. Finale :: crescendo
2. Martial arts :: kung fu
3. Flirt :: coy
4. Energy :: hyper
5. Flavor :: Flave
6. Guess? :: jeans
7. Accomplishment :: satisfaction
8. Prom :: dress
9. Diploma :: graduate
10. Bloody :: mess

The party is now over and the cleaning has begun. All that is left to remind us that we celebrated a birthday here today is about two dozen balloons and several dirty serving dishes. That, and a little boy who seems ages away from the one we took home from the hospital two years ago. It has been such a privilege and honor to seem him grow and to be given this chance to grow myself. I can only imagine the wonders that are left to unfold before us.


More tomorrow, including pictures and details. I'm off to rest my tired self and to mourn and celebrate another year's passing in my son's life.

I have been having one of those weeks that cries out for a big, long journal entry. Unfortunately, I have to resist this urge and just write a short synopsis because it is still busy here and there is much to do. Tomorrow Nicholas turns two and on Sunday we celebrate his birthday with a large family party. The preparations have been grueling because I waited until the last minute to do everything and am now having to catch up. I was hoping it was going to be simple until my mom informed me at the beginning of this week that she had invited eight of her friends to go. She doesn't think most of them will go, but she doesn't know for sure. I also have a habit of think I can do more than I can. At least the cake is simpler this year than last and I am not going overboard on the food. I must not stress.


Yesterday we discovered that fire ants are finding their way into the house by eating the sealant around the windows and eating into the frame. We have to have an exterminator come in tomorrow to spray the perimeter of the house and then re-seal the windows. All of this for the low, low cost of hundreds of dollars.


Jon is moving out on the first of June and has gotten a dog to take with him. He will be missed. The timing of his leaving is also bad as Joe may be taking a pay cut from work and we are about to incur the new expense of sending Nicholas to preschool. Losing Jon's rent is going to make more of an impact now than it would have any other time.


I know there is quite a bit more to go over, but I must run as we have Nico's two-year check-up in half an hour and other fun to attend to. I'll post pictures of the party and the birthday boy as soon as I can.

Unconcious Mutterings
I say ... and you think ... ?

1. Vagina :: Woman
2. Racism :: Simple-minded
3. Mother's Day :: quiet
4. Fire alarm :: Fire drill
5. Elvis :: Costello
6. Pregnant :: uncomfortable
7. Vacation :: Road-trip
8. Waffles :: syrup
9. Perpendicular :: T
10. Hospital :: white

Only two days later and I am able to sit in front of the computer and rehash the last week. I suppose I should begin with my trip, which was boring and uneventful. Nicholas slept almost the entire way up to Dallas and was quiet for the remainder of the time. We stayed at a really nice hotel room that was intended for many more people, but in the end just housed Nico and I. Jon elected at the last minute not to go and Joe couldn't get the night off. It was a mini vacation from everything for both the baby and myself. Most of the time was spent sitting in our underwear, coloring, watching television, and eating junk food. Nicholas loved the hotel pool and we spent a great bit of time there. My sister-in-law's graduation party was the only thing we really had to do while we were there. We couldn't go to the actual ceremony as Nicholas would have been required to sit still and be quiet for several hours and I know that that would just not be possible. The after party started an hour late, so the baby and I had to sit in the car with bags of melting ice outside the in-laws house. Traffic had delayed them getting home. When the party finally started, I felt a little uncomfortable around my sister-in-law's family. They drank and swore repeatedly in front of my son. It just pissed me off, but I couldn't really say anything as it wasn't my house or my family. I'm just glad I probably won't have to see them again. We ate barbecue and talked for awhile. Amber opened her gifts, mostly cards with checks in them. She didn't really seem to like what we got her, but I am passed the point of caring on that. I just wish we hadn't spent so much on it now. Amber and Jake were fun to talk to and I go to see my little nephew Tyler, who gets more adorable every time I see him. Being around Tyler makes my mother-in-law want more grandchildren I think. She kept asking if I wanted to take him home. Little does she know that she may not be getting any more out of us. Joe gave me my mother's day gifts since he wasn't going to get to see me on mother's day. I got a jar of tomato basil soup and a spa gift certificate. It was kind of funny, he gave it to me in a paper bag. I think Joe's family was kind of taken aback that it didn't bother me. Amber asked, in a very surprised tone, if that was all I got. Sometimes these people worry me. Nicholas spent the last hour of the party jumping on a bunch of balloons like a crazy man. He was asleep almost as soon as we got back to the hotel. We left just after noon the next day and drove strait back to Austin. Nicholas didn't cry once, it was weird. I have to say my thanks to portable DVD players.


Yesterday, Maria and Fiona came to visit. Great fun was had by all. We went to Chick-fil-A and then to the park. Some may think this was weird as it was raining outside, but Nicholas loved it and the park was blessedly empty. Maria had to go to Target afterward because she hadn't brought a change of clothes for Fiona. I got Nicholas a Hawaiian shirt there and a lovely pair of red flip-flops for myself. So much running around was done that I figure Nico would be asleep on the car ride home, but he didn't bed down until Maria and Fiona had been gone for about an hour. It was fun and makes me miss the interaction with other parents. We're such homebodies lately that the only people I talk to are store clerks and anyone who is brave enough to call us.


In a surprising move, Jon has declared that he will be moving out in the middle of June. I can understand where he is coming from, but it just came out of the blue. I do not know what incited it, but he is quite eager to go. He has already look at several places and is about at the point of picking one. I'm glad that Nicholas will finally have his own room, but the timing of it all is not that great for us. If Joe moves back to Austin, he is getting a pay cut and now we are losing Jon's rent. It looks as if we are really going to have to buckle down in the financial department. We should be okay, but it will be a drastic adjustment.


I think that's all I have for now. Remind me not to wait so long between entries, lest they become as rambling as this one. Oh, and mourn the loss of the Friday Five which has gone the way of the DoDo. That little meme will be missed.

Well, I have returned. Sadly, I am unable to recount the events of the past few days at this exact moment as Nico has elected to forgo his nap today of all days, the day I need to get things done. He is forgiven for it, though, because today he is allowing me to put my face against his and cuddle him as much as I want as opposed to his usual struggle. I'll try and write more this evening after meals and baths are done and the house is ready for lights out.

Well, after Nicholas' class this morning, we leave for Dallas for my sister-in-law's graduation. I am disappointed that I am going to miss my son's preschool's open house and mother's day in my own home, but it can't be avoided it seems. I hope everyone out there has an enjoyable mother's day. I'll leave with this poem I got from one of my local parenting boards and promises that I'll return to tell my tale.

A Mother's Day Prayer
© Kim Lane

Help us remember the day
each of our children came to us,
the pain
the tears
the joy
the sorrow.
Help us remember what we left behind that day,
and the abundance we carried away
in our arms and hearts.
Help us understand there are two births
every time a child is born.
Help us remember with caution and reverence
that we dwell with tiny witnesses to our lives,
who silently and exactingly note how we
give selflessly
love intensely
work tirelessly
yearn longingly
or burn bitterly,
who note how we reach for the world with a tender hand
or lure it with a curled fist,
who note if we cradle with one arm
our beloved babies
and carefully balance our own evolving spirit
in the other,
or if we continuously deny ourselves our own dreams
paths
passions
interests
bonds
and growth,
in deference to others',
our fingers forever threaded together
callused from boosting the feet
of those around us
while our own feet and spirit
grow heavy with moss
and tethered to shadows.
Help us remember that our tiny witnesses
will take these self-stones we have forged
and build parts of their future with them,
with ample windows, doors and ladders
or densely roofed
with barely cracks for light,
because these structures are familiar
and pieces of the road that lead home
and away.
And help us remember to make eye contact
and smile at other mothers,
because regardless of situation, location,
vocation or generation,
we are forever bonded
by a universal experience.
We share a single word
recognized and translated
by all speakers
of the proud language of women

There are some days when I feel that Nicholas has nothing in common with me. Today is one of those days. Those who know me well know I have a shoe problem. I always lose them. I can have my shoes off for five minutes and I'll be incapable of finding them. They'll turn up after a frantic search of the house; probably under the coffee table or behind the t.v. or some other random location that I couldn't remember putting my shoes in. Today, I began the frantic search to find the baby's shoes so we could go run errands (you see, now that I am responsible for Nico's shoes, they get lost as well). During my scouring of the living room I asked Nicholas to help mommy find his shoes. Well, he instantly ran into our bedroom and, as I entered the bedroom, he pointed to the top of the dresser. As you may have guessed, his shoes were placed on top of his dresser, just where they should be. I was excited but at the same time I felt a bit of embarrassment as my almost two year-old son has already bettered me in the shoe finding department.

Have you ever had one of those days where everything going on in your life could be summed up in quotes from movies? I keep having days like those. The one constant movie quote that runs through my head, three times a day when this occurs is: "Every family has a kid who won't eat." I can see little Randy sitting there with a pile of mashed potatoes on his fork and realize, oh my god, my child is just like that. Nicholas is on a hunger strike again it seems or has just become unusually picky, who knows. I fear that at eight he will be doing the same thing. It drives me crazy, if only because I feel my actions to resolve the situation are so futile. Another movie quote that keeps popping up is: "If people are going to start telling the truth around here, I'm going to bed." Needless to say, I won't be going into details on that one. I will say that sometimes a person just needs to vent and get a little sympathy. You don't need to fix it and you don't need to tell me what you think is best, I can figure that out on my own. I just want someone to lend me a sympathetic ear. Although, if I think about it, I probably do the same thing. There is this one from the Shining: "Physically, it's not a very demanding job. The only thing that can get a bit trying up here during the winter is, uh, a tremendous sense of isolation." Let's just hope things don't turn out that way. This one came to me when cleaning out the closet: "Always keep your bowler on in time of stress, and watch out for diabolical masterminds." Boy, was that an entertaining half-hour.

Well, the baby is grouchy, so I'll have to finish later. Also, I saw Big Fish last night and thought it was great. Go Tim Burton!